I have a hard time forgiving people sometimes. For a long time, I used to have these "confrontation conversations" in my mind where I'd tell this person off who was mistreating me in my life. I can't tell you how many times I had just the perfect comeback for every imaginary thing they said...and all it did was rob me of many nights of sleep and cause me several stress headaches. They never heard a word of it and wouldn't have listened anyway if I'd tried.
I held them in the prison of my mind while they were walking free in real life.
I've heard that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It cripples you inside and begins to rob you of joy in other areas of your life. Soon, you're having one-sided imaginary conversations with the other person, telling them off and giving them a piece of your mind, which only works you up and raises your blood pressure.
And the entire time, the other person is just out there living their own life. Maybe they know they ticked you off, or maybe they don't. Maybe they care, or maybe not. I've known people who will trample your feelings underfoot and not blink an eye. You could never convince them they'd ever done anything wrong because they felt they were perfect in their eyes. No amount of argument would convince them otherwise.
And they aren't worth the effort of remaining mad about. We don't always get the last word or the last laugh, and sometimes, we are treated unfairly for things that are out of our control. Whatever the problem, it's not worth holding a grudge.
"Forgiving isn't something you do for someone else. It's something you do for yourself. It's saying, 'You're not important enough to have a stranglehold on me.' It's saying, 'You don't get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future'." - Jodi Picoult
It's not easy, but holding on to a grudge or perceived shortcoming is detrimental to personal growth and health. Bitterness festers inside until it begins to kill off the good things in our lives. We focus primarily on the injustice done to us and neglect to appreciate our blessings.
Don't let them win. They are holding you back and probably don't even know (or care) that they are. Let them feel smug or like they won. Let them enjoy their temporary victory because when you forgive and forget them, they lose any hold on your life. You rob them of any part they have in your future.
It's never easy and not fun, but forgiveness is a reward for yourself. You can devote all those endless hours of stressful thoughts to planning great things for your own life. And you'll start feeling better about life in general.
Set them free from the prison in your mind and move on to higher levels of personal success!
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