I'm going to be honest with you: I am not always a patient man, and I'm not alone in that.
Robin leads a department in an organization where the lines between job duties are not always clearly defined. Michelle, a leader from another department, started leaving laminated memos around Robin's department with rules her team needed to follow to do their jobs correctly. Michelle had no authority in that department but suddenly decided they were in charge and began bossing others around.
Robin tried to be as diplomatic as possible in the situation, wanting to maintain harmony in the organization, but Michelle did not let up. She continued pushing and pushing against Robin's authority, confusing the team.
Robin handled it in two ways: first, she told her team to ignore anything they found from Michelle and to throw away any posted laminated memos. She told her team that Michelle had no authority there and had no business trying to boss the team around (and she was right). So far, so good.
Second, Robin confronted Michelle and told her to stay in her own department. Michelle got upset and went to their boss, escalating the situation. It got ugly, but ultimately, Robin stood her ground and was proven correct.
I have to give Robin credit for staying cool-headed throughout the situation.
Some experts believe the average adult gets angry about once a day and annoyed or peeved about three times that often. Other anger management experts suggest that getting angry fifteen times a day is more likely a realistic average.
Here are three ways to keep your cool in a tense situation:
1) Don't immediately respond. Robin took time to think things through before reacting. She didn't run throughout the department screaming her head off and ripping up Michelle's memos. Instead, she gave herself time to plan out a proper strategy. Reacting immediately in a tense work situation often leads to long-term consequences if not handled properly. Go walk around and get some fresh air, or punch a seat cushion if need be, but don't make a snap reaction.
2) Have a clearly laid out set of steps you want to follow. This is not a time to "wing it" or go with the flow. You will need to know exactly what you want to say (and equally important, what you don't want to say) and the message you are trying to convey. Is there any chance what you are saying will be misconstrued? Is there a way you can give examples of what they're doing wrong that needs to change?
3) Respond firmly but with as much respect to the other person as you can safely give. In Robin's case, Michelle showed no respect to her at all. It would have been really easy for Robin to treat her with disdain and just get ugly, but that would have accomplished nothing. People who feel disrespected immediately get on the defensive, and there is nothing you say they will listen to at that point. If you have given them at least a modicum of respect, they won't have a reason to jump to the defensive and attack immediately.
Remember this: how you react in a tense situation can forever redefine your relationship with this person. I've written about this before, but if you don't handle it correctly, you may create a rift that can never be repaired. Be mindful of what you say and do.
All that being said, there definitely will be moments in your life where you will have to stand up for yourself. I'm not saying be a pushover to get along with everyone. Some people push and push us and will not respond to anything more than a firm stance against them. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, especially if you are in a situation where no one else will!
All I'm saying is to be smart and effective with your response. In the words of that immortal scholar Patrick Swayze in Road House: "Be nice, until it's time to not be nice."
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